The Dream

So it has been a long time since I have written anything. I’ll be honest, I get lazy. This is going to make “the dream” pretty hard for me to accomplish, but I will figure this out.

So here is the dream: Someday I want to write a book. More likely I will get someone to do it for me, I have these ideas in my head, but when it honestly comes down to buckling down and writing, I honestly would rather not. I love to write in such an informal style and I don’t know that it would lend well to a book, but we shall see!

I want to write about vulvodynia and dyspareunia. I’ll probably through in some stuff about my battles with fibromyalgia, CMP, IC, and a long list of other conditions I have, but most importantly I want to write about chronic vaginal pain. I want to be the Jenny McCarthy of vaginal pain. I want to say what so many people aren’t talking about and possibly don’t even know exists. Sure, there are research societies out there and medical professionals out there, but there are so few people out there.

Sex is a topic that can be difficult for many people to talk about. Even more so is if there are any problems. Chronic vaginal pain, whatever the cause, is difficult to talk about. It isn’t normal. That is the biggest thing to understand. Chronic vaginal pain is not normal. But for some reason, we are made to think that it is.

This is not a topic that many girls are comfortable talking about. It is weird enough being in pain all the time, let alone having to tell someone. I told many doctors, and got brushed of- told to have a few drinks or use numbing cream. There was no way I was comfortable talking to a guy about it. How exactly do you tell a guy that it hurts to have sex with them? That the pain is so excruciating that you cry your eyes out for days afterwards? Nothing about this is easy.

Now, years later, a diagnosis in hand and treatments under my belt, It’s second nature to me. I have been through so much over the past few years, and what I have learned is that it is so much easier to talk about it than to keep it inside. The things that I have had to go to to get better and will continue to have to endure- it is easier to talk to someone. Thankfully I have some amazing friends, family and a great husband for a support system.

I wish that more people knew about this. I wish it would spread like wildfire and reach women far and wide. This is not normal, but it is okay. It is treatable. You will be okay.

I will be okay.